I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
