Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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