did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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