What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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