I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
