So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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