I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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