i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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