In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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