I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
