a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
