1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
