ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
