It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
time to smoke my breakfast
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
