Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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