i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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