can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
