Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
