I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
That's intense
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
