I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize