Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
