Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
