I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
