she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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