she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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