you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
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