Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize