Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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