She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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