obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
