Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
