Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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