After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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