JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
