She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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