You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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