no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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