I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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