my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
