I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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