Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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