my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
