You made me cry and you don't even care
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just cropdusted the office
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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