i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
