We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
