She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
