I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
