You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize