Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Randomize
