How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
