So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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