its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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