Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I FOUND THE LEGS
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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