Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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