my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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