K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
