I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
