i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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