Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
