I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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