I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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