please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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