Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
