there was a trapeze. enough said
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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