She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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