one word: firstdatebathroomanal
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
