on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize