i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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