i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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