I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My vagina just recognized that song.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
