I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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