Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
