i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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