Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
