We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
