She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
