I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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