look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize