My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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