at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
