at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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