I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
