Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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