...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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