Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
