During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
