So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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