i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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