I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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