He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
