i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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