Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
