Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
