sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
