my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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