Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
