Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize