btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
